Skip to main content

I have joined the ranks of the unemployed

I got home from work last Thursday morning feeling as if a rat had crawled in my mouth and died. I had pulled over into a service station as I was too sleepy to make the drive home and woke up in the mid-morning sun feeling not much better. As I pulled off my stinking scrubs and socks and dumped it in the laundry basket, I realised, "This is it. I am officially unemployed." Technically speaking of course, I was officially unemployed on Wednesday morning since that was when my contract ended, but this one locum job had been planned for a few weeks so I felt that there was some sort of .... well, order to my life still. Plus, I was on shift with my fancy man, The Chain-smoking Man, so it was something to look forward to. Only he wasn't much joy, being grumpy and out smoking most of the night.

It probably would not be so worrying if there wasn't the whole visa thing as well. No work means no visa. So after nine years in this country, I have to uproot my entire life and go home. Do you know how many duvets I've collected in my time here? (I lived in student digs with no central heating.) I guess I don't have it as rough as some. Others have mortgages, car loans, kids in school and longer years of training gone to waste.

I had a moment of panic when I got home. The house was empty. My housemate was at work. One friend had upped sticks and moved to Plymouth. Another had moved to Manchester. One had gone to Australia. I was....... nowhere.

When I'm at a loss, I tend to stick my head in the sand. Alright, in a book. It has been my defence mechanism since childhood. Which is why in the past two months I have gotten through more novels than I have in the entire year. Which doesn't help of course, because the longer I put things off, the bigger my problems become.

I am chicken shit, I know.

My friend said that it sounds like I'm running away from reality. Fucking smug smart arse. I'll come and do a Zidane on you.

Bah! I'm going to go wash the kitchen towels.
Labels:

Comments

Kere said…
T-t-tolong D-d-datuk.

Chocolate?
09 August, 2006 14:26
Maryam said…
Mummer, you turd.
Thank you. Come again.
16 August, 2006 14:10
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

December's list

MUSIC Thanks to Maryam for the delights of this month's music. Be patient, Maryam, the world will one day see our special dance. 1) Presidente - KINKY . Singing in Spanish somehow makes everything sound sexier, even if he is singing about politics. Despite the oblique accusations of corruption against the Mexican president, this song is dance-floor hot and guaranteed to shake your booty. (I only use the word 'booty' online because in real life I would never get away with it.) 2) Let's Make Love And Death From Above - CSS . Bizarre title but the song works. Perfect for when returning to the home planet. 3) Ladylike - STORM LARGE & THE BALLS . They've got a name that is just dying for you to make dirty jokes about, but subject matter is serious to all girls who get the mickey taken out of them for not being 'ladylike.' Incidentally, Storm Large was one of the contestants on Rockstar: Supernova. MOVIES Surprisingly, I haven't watched many movies this mo...
4 comments
Read more

The goat

So, there we were - three women in their late twenties, lounging on a faux-leather sofa having a nice post-prandial banter with a bunch of friends. Usually it would be just the three of us - me, Si and Em - talking about life, work and relationships - having that Bridget Jones moment which we thought would never come to us, because 'oh no, we're so above that!' But tonight was a farewell party for a friend who was off to Australia for a newer, better job in a newer, better place than sorry-ass England, and the talk frequently turned to career paths, professional exams, work-life balance etc. Cat was talking about a friend who works in computers who did not go to university because she thought it was a waste of time. Instead she plunged straight into work and gained experience and skills on the job. She is only a year older than me but she has been so successful that she has two homes in London and one in San Francisco where she now works from home and makes shedloads of mon...
5 comments
Read more

August 2007's list

Books 1. Cloud Atlas – DAVID MITCHELL . I must have bought this book somewhere in 2005 in Waterstones’ and left it to collect dust since. It still has it yellow ‘Buy 3 for 2’ sticker on the front cover; an impulse buy, a book I bought to make myself feel better. I finally picked it up two weeks ago and haven’t been able to put it down since. The book opens with the diary of one Adam Ewing, an American making a hazardous journey across the Pacific in the nineteenth century. Things get a bit hairy for the God-fearing Ewing as he crosses paths with criminals, cut-throats, warring Maoris and an alleged brain-eating parasite. Ewing’s diary ends abruptly on page just as I was wondering if he would survive with brain intact and we skip next to a one-sided correspondence from an impoverished, bisexual rake to his ex-lover while attempting to compose his musical masterpiece in 1930s Europe. Again, his breathless biting story stops short and we move on to three more subsequent characters, each m...
2 comments
Read more