I'm Not Asleep, My Eyes Are Just Closed

When I used to live in a little town called Northville, my housemate used to drive 40 miles to work everyday and she'd comment on the driver's faces and people she'd recognised in their cars going the opposite direction to hers. Now this poses a couple of problems for me. On the busy country roads that she drives down you could go up to 60 miles an hour (depending on the time of day or night) or crawling at 20 (depending on the tractor in front of you.) I tend to look at the cars directly in front of or behind me, and not so much at the faces of people inside cars whizzing past in the opposite direction. Two, is that at that time, I didn't have a car, so I often hitched a ride with her - therefore I wonder how much attention she pays on the traffic compared with making comments on various drivers who are cute, ugly, pick their noses, or 'hey-I-know- her!' Now that I live in the 'big city' I often have to drive down those same country roads to go to the h...

In less than three months time, I will be jobless. A few of my friends who I thought was in the same boat as me have finally gotten jobs. I am happy for them but at the same time am niggled by thoughts of, "I'm sure I'm just as good, why didn't I get a job?" I think I know the answer myself, though it pains me to admit it. I did not try hard enough. If I really wanted it, I would have put my back into it. Yes, I want a job, yes, I want to stay here, but I have been content to let things happen to me rather than chase after what I want. I've never had to work my ass off for anything in life. I manage to scrap through, by the skin of my teeth for most things. What disturbs me more is something that has troubled me for years - a side of myself I do not like, nor want to admit that it exists. Essentially, because I'm afraid of it, afraid that there are some things you are born with that you cannot change. In my family of five children, each person stood out th...

I know I should be studying for my membership exams but on my break from doing exam questions, I came across this website www.youtube.com Being a Star Wars buff I checked out a couple of Star Wars spoofs - and these two are my favourites so far. Star Wars Status Star Wars Cops (Okay I lied, I wasn't on a break)

This must be the shortest-lived infatuation in history. Don't get me wrong, I still like Rufus Wainwright's songs, though now, I do understand what one irate reviewer on Amazon meant when he compared Rufus's voice with that of a bleating goat. If you've ever seen any of his videos or interviews, he couldn't come across as more gay . What a turn-off. Yes, alright, I deserve it - I knew he was gay in the first place, but it was the music that got me. Even the good-looking gay colleague has lost his shine. He is still good-looking but his charm and attractiveness has disappeared. Maybe because when you admire someone from afar, there is a mythic quality to them, but once you get to know them that other-worldly halo evaporates. Sometimes it's because you see them as human beings rather than God's gift from heaven or you realise there is nothing in their personality that you can relate to. Funnily enough, the chain-smoking, permanently rumpled-looking colleague w...

I embarrassed a colleague the other day. He walked in to the doctor's office at the start of his shift, and I went, "Hey, hey, wait a sec. You've got something in your hair." He shrugged and said, "Don't worry about it. It's just dandruff." "No, no, it can't be. It's bigger than that. And there's loads of it. I think you've got bird shit or something on you," I persisted. The words came out of my mouth before I noticed that it was actually dandruff - shitloads of huge, oily flakes of skin on his Brylcreamed hair. He walked out to the toilet before I could say anything else. Erk. I avoided him for the rest of the shift.

God must have wanted to give the night team a break judging by the two consecutive quiet shifts that we had after that horrible Saturday night. Much to my relief, we spent those two nights gassing, downing quantities of coffee and crisps and generally taking the piss out of each other. A game of Resus Hockey was proposed but we eventually settled for a quiet game of guessing patients blood results. Not the most scintillating of pastimes, but takes a certain amount of knowledge, judging by the fact that it was won three times by the most senior doctor there. A week of night shifts are always a good bonding experience. Or things might turn ugly and you end up hating the guts of the people you see night after night. I have been lucky so far that all the night shifts I've had have been with people that are reliable and I've gotten along with. It helps immensely, not only yourself and the healthcare team, but also the patient if the staff trust each other. Case in point was when we ...