I'm Not Asleep, My Eyes Are Just Closed

As a member of S.E.X.Y.F.A.T. (Society for the EXploitation of Yummy men in Film And Television) I feel obliged to do a run-down of top hunks that graced our (okay, my consciousness) in 2006. For the original S.E.X.Y.F.A.T. manifesto, please see Maryam's Guide To Everything Part 1. And no, I can't be bothered to review anything else in 2006 or make any resolutions because a) it's boring b) yeah, right, as if I'll change my ways c) this was way more fun My Top 3 Jensen Ackles (Jensen, you know it's me you want, not Maryam!) Jared Padalecki (Oh, alright, I'll have you instead) Jim Caviezel (aaaah, my blue-eyed Jim, why so sad? Is it because you are No.3?) Special Mention Guy Berryman (you are still yummy) Brandon Flowers (but only circa 2003 when he was sans eyeliner, mustache and gelled flattened hair) Paolo Nutini ( a bit too young for me but lovely all the same) Johnny Depp (the long time favourite, still going strong. You still float my boat Johnnayy!

Thanks to the people at YouTube and the wonderful Izzerial whose hard work enabled me to enjoy the Jen-Man himself over and over and over and over.......... Oh and Maryam.... Jensen's MINE!

In the spirit of Christmas Flatmate thought it would be nice to send Cancer Man a Christmas card. Just to be friendly and neighbourly, and to show that there are no hard feeelings. So she got a pack of 20 charity Christmas cards and wrote out the same message that a million other English-speaking people write in their Christmas cards - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. It was signed, From S. That was it. And what do you know, back comes a card that starts, 'My dearest S,' and an effusive paragraph which goes on and on about her 'flashing smile', 'beauty', and 'incomparable hair'. "That's it!" Flatmate exclaimed. "No more being nice and polite. He's fucking 60, you would think he would have learned a few things by now, but he has managed to creep me out again." "Ughhh," I said as I read the card. "You're right. He is creepy. Does that line say, 'God's gift to us lonely men?'" "No, I

MUSIC Thanks to Maryam for the delights of this month's music. Be patient, Maryam, the world will one day see our special dance. 1) Presidente - KINKY . Singing in Spanish somehow makes everything sound sexier, even if he is singing about politics. Despite the oblique accusations of corruption against the Mexican president, this song is dance-floor hot and guaranteed to shake your booty. (I only use the word 'booty' online because in real life I would never get away with it.) 2) Let's Make Love And Death From Above - CSS . Bizarre title but the song works. Perfect for when returning to the home planet. 3) Ladylike - STORM LARGE & THE BALLS . They've got a name that is just dying for you to make dirty jokes about, but subject matter is serious to all girls who get the mickey taken out of them for not being 'ladylike.' Incidentally, Storm Large was one of the contestants on Rockstar: Supernova. MOVIES Surprisingly, I haven't watched many movies this mo

Words and phrases I use too often: Stupid Asshole Fucker/fucking/fuckhead Bastard (A combination of the above) Oh dear God What the fuck? What the fuck! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? Rrrrwooof!! (Only applicable when seeing Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki topless) The search for a better vocabulary and form of expression continues............

There are some things which people are always willing to forgive - adultery, greed, murder, tight pants. But a woman saying she doesn't like children seems to elicit a horrified look and cries of, "Oh, my God, WHY? Kids are so cute!!" No, they are not. They are humans too which means they can manifest every nasty thing that human beings are capable of. It's not that I loathe children. I just don't feel obligated to go "Awwwww!!!" every time some kid in pigtails passes by. (Note: please don't put your kids in pigtails - it makes them look fat and ugly and some kids need all the help they can get). Take this evening for example. I am sitting enjoying a cup of coffee while looking at pictures of Jensen Ackles on the internet when some kids choir start singing in the lobby of the shopping mall. I have nothing against them doing that except that: a) they are off key b) they are off tune c) the speakers are too loud d) some shrill kid singing 'Jingle B

The only reason I watched Smallville was because of Tom Welling’s stunning looks. After awhile even young Superman’s charms could not make up for the atrociousness of the series. Similarly, I sat through an equally bad tv series that was axed after one season called Young Americans for the sole reason of ogling at a gorgeous actor called Ian Somerhalder. It also starred the then unknown Kate Bosworth, so you can guess what kind of lame television show it was. After that, I moved on to Dark Angel. I quite like it premise (after all I am a sci-fi and fantasy buff) but as a woman, part of the attraction was the wheelchair dude who was Jessica Alba’s boss. (See, I can’t remember his name anymore). My interest in Dark Angel waned when I realised he wasn’t that cute but perked up again upon the arrival of a character called Alec, played by Jensen Ackles. Hello, handsome. Alas, my happiness was short-lived as Jensen only had a guest role and the series was discontinued after two seasons, desp

Imagine you are twenty seven years old. You have lived apart from your parents since you were eighteen. You have managed to arrange your own transport, find your own accomodation, pay your own bills, feed yourself, get into shouting matches with the local yobs and backpacked across Europe on your own. Now imagine that once you return home, your parents (especially your mother) think you are no more than the callow eighteen year old who left all those years ago and insist that if left to my own devices, I would starve to death in my own filth or be raped, robbed and beaten on the 'mean' streets of KL (not necessarily in that order). There's nothing that makes me feel more juvenile than when my own mother treats me that way. My parents were not content with giving me a ride to Bukit Bintang, they insisted on personally accompanying me and dropping me off in front of my friends. When going out with a guy friend, they can't seem to get it in their heads that he is only a fr