I'm Not Asleep, My Eyes Are Just Closed

This week I celebrated my 28th birthday. This week I was accidentally stabbed with a needle contaminated with the blood of a patient with Hepatitis B. It was all going so well, I thought. The patient had already been screened for HIV and venereal disease and she was in the clear. What are the chances that she would be positive for Hepatitis B? Well, 100% as it turned out. I wasn't terribly upset at first. It was a small nick that didn't bleed much, though it surprised me enough that I yelled in the operating theatre. Everybody froze when they realised what had happened. My colleague felt bad for accidentally stabbing me with the suture needle. As I pointed out, it was an accident. I was double-gloved and we were all following the correct procedures, so it was unfortunate that I got a needlestick injury. What pissed me off was the attitude of the staff when I was trying to get all the various forms filled out and sent off to the correct persons. Their primary concern seemed to b

1. The limited pressing new Delays EP ‘Love Made Visible’. Only 2000 copies available, aacccckkk! 2. A new set of headphones – my long-serving and long-suffering JVCs are falling apart. 3. All the episodes of Dexter that I haven’t seen. The longer I go without any new Dexter the higher the chances I will go to Television Without Pity and ‘spoiler’ myself. 4. World peace. Nah, just kidding.

5058 It’s mocking me. It has been 5058 for a good half an hour now. Surely somebody must be working behind there. I see people moving about but no change in the queue number. I am number 5079. Welcome to the Immigration Department. 5059 I’m bored out of my skull. I’ve read through three different newspapers, including the classifieds, the ingredients on the gum wrapper and all the notices on the information board. (My gum contains sodium stearate which I have never come across in chewing gum before. This is also an indication of how bored I am that I actually bought gum to chew.) 5060 I’m out in the lift lobby calling the hospital to say I’ll be at least another hour an a half. That is actually wishful thinking on my part but I hope to get my papers sorted today. A dozen men in chains march past accompanied by two immigration officers. Both of them are carrying batons. Somehow, they all squeeze into the men’s toilet. I wonder if they get their chains taken off. That reminds me. I need

Once upon a time, I had no idea how I was to survive the end of the Supernatural season. First, there was the anxiety over whether there would be a third season. When confirmation came through that there would indeed be more of The Delectable Winchesters, I couldn't believe how long I had to wait for the next season. But the television heart is resilient - it finds other ways to fill the void. It limits its visits to the Supernatural website and slowly weans itself off The Brotherly Medicine. It finds other television shows to like, other forms of entertainment to obsess over. Time flies when you're having fun, and lo and behold, it is now October and the first episode of season 3, entitled The Magnificent Seven , will be airing in the US tomorrow, the 4th of October. My 'ardent admiration' for Supernatural has faded a bit but I am keen to see what happens next. How will the Winchesters dig themselves out of the hole they've dug themselves into? How much ragging wil

Music Editors - in the days when they wore loose jeans This month has been devoted totally to the awesome goodness that is Editors (not the) whose addictive tunes and passionate delivery have made me swoon in musical delirium. Thanks to the fan forum on the official website (yes, yes, I go to forums now, let’s leave it at that) and their plethora of hardcore and tech-literate fans, there is an abundance of live footage and live recordings of the band’s performances for one to covetously download and savour. (Especially when yours truly has little chance whatsoever of seeing them live). So, when I'm not skulking on the interweb, I'd be enjoying some of the gems below: 1. Fall (live video recording Pukkelpop Festival 2005, Belgium; London Calling 2005, Netherlands) On record, 'Fall' is hypnotic, morose and almost ponderous. Played live, it’s a different animal altogether – intense and oozing dangerous sexiness that climaxes into a frantic scream of guitars. A favourite

I should have known better than to attempt anything too strenuous considering my family's general history of mishaps when we get too enthusiastic over sport. Sure we may have arms and shoulders that look like they could comfortably haul rice sacks by the ton but we're actually fragile weaklings that break under the threat of a little light gardening. Coz we're city kids and we have no idea what the name of that tree is or what kind of salad we're eating or that is the sound of a frog croaking and not somebody's screwed up car horn. What do you mean go play outside? Do you want me to get run over by a car? Cycling is suicide. There is also the chance that you I could fall into an open drain, like my brother once did, subsequently cutting his head open. I'm not even 30 yet and I can feel my body falling apart already. That's the consequences of physically abusing your body when you're younger and thinking you can get away with it. Yes, you may have bounced

Books 1. Cloud Atlas – DAVID MITCHELL . I must have bought this book somewhere in 2005 in Waterstones’ and left it to collect dust since. It still has it yellow ‘Buy 3 for 2’ sticker on the front cover; an impulse buy, a book I bought to make myself feel better. I finally picked it up two weeks ago and haven’t been able to put it down since. The book opens with the diary of one Adam Ewing, an American making a hazardous journey across the Pacific in the nineteenth century. Things get a bit hairy for the God-fearing Ewing as he crosses paths with criminals, cut-throats, warring Maoris and an alleged brain-eating parasite. Ewing’s diary ends abruptly on page just as I was wondering if he would survive with brain intact and we skip next to a one-sided correspondence from an impoverished, bisexual rake to his ex-lover while attempting to compose his musical masterpiece in 1930s Europe. Again, his breathless biting story stops short and we move on to three more subsequent characters, each m

First of all, apologies for the embarrassment of bad poetry in the past 3 posts. Let's just say, I was seized by the Poetry Fairy and found myself so enthralled to its charms that I was unable to write any coherent thought in plain English without spraining myself. Having said that, I did derive a surprising amount of pleasure from writing poems - quite giddy, in fact - but I'm afraid my muse has left me for now. All has returned to normal. Almost. Hee. *looks dreamily out of moon-lit window for the flicker of Poetry Fairy's wings.*

How can one compare A giant to an elf One is broad and full of hair And the other short of self A giant’s grasp can make one gasp His sweetness lies in his strength But the elven charm will pierce any mask And make one smile at length A perfect set of ears A delightful manner of man A refreshing lack of smirks and leers The elf over the giant, that is my plan. Author's edit : I would like to dedicate this poem to my baby sister Maryam , who is sober, for planting the seed of 'Elf Lover' in my brain. It was next to impossible to resist it taking root and morphing into the above. Author's note : Elf love is not in anyway related to Lord of the Rings or any other fictional elves in the fantasy genre. Disclaimer : No elves were harmed in the making of this poem.

In his blue-green sea I am lost in fanciful dreams of sleepy melodies and promised ecstasy.

Sounds from the ether Drifting to earth A guttural growl A bass note that shivers. Swim in the depths of its windows Delight in the flash of pearls Sweet planes of its face Peak through its golden forest. Its slightness made big By its dance across the stage The long reach of its hands Dream of melodies in its sleep.

Because I am extremely bored and am itching to write something, anything, but have nothing new to say, I've posted some videos of live band performances that have been doing heavy rotation in my playlist in the last few months. (Yes, ever since I got a relaible broadband connection, plenty of time on my hands and gained internet literacy). 1. Outsiders - Franz Ferdinand on Later with Jools Holland (not quite sure which year it's from though) but fecking hell are they brilliant in this. Thing is with Franz Ferdinand, they always look real sharp and cool, then they add that drum orgy at the end with 7 drummers coming in and beating the hell out of the skins. They've played with up to 12 drummers at festivals but this one is fantastic as well. Posted by Elanorrose. 2. Alive - Pearl Jam at the Reading Festival in 2006. Still one of the best anthems Pearl Jam has ever done. Absolute classsic. Looks soooooo bloody good, wish I was there, but I wasn't, so bummer. The crowd

My sister KJ goes on a five week long trip through the 'wilds' of Europe today. She'll be with friends part of the way and on her own at other times. With her inquisitive and open mind, I know she'll get the best out of this trip and she'll come back with lots of funny and amusing anecdotes to tell the family. I hope she doesn't get the runs like she is wont to do while travelling. So, may all your flights and journeys be safe. Hope the weather stays this good. Hope your feet won't give you too much trouble. And.......... Aren't foreign words funny? God bless KJ, come home safe.

Broken rasp. Eyes you can drown in. Teeth. I've heard it said that the people one is physically attracted to look a little like oneself. Makes sense, especially if you're the sort who's so in love with yourself you'd look for a partner with your own 'good looks' . What do you look for in a partner? Oh, it's one of those questions, is it? Like, if your house is on fire what would be the one thing you would save? Or would you choose to be extremely beautiful or insanely clever? You're avoiding the question. Mmmmmm.... I'm stalling. Is it that hard to answer? It's not a frivolous question. I would like to give some serious thought to it because I am a serious woman. No, don't laugh. Sorry. I guess that's what comes from asking such a question to an obsessive pedant such as yourself. I think.... I will take that as a compliment. Well? Sigh. What do I look for in a partner? Well, it's changed over the years. I used to have a check list of

Don't choke on your karipap. It's hard to imagine a woman who had always given me the impression that 99.99% of music is an assault on her sanity would be getting jiggy with it with the punters down at the local club. Oh God, that image has already given me a headache. My mother can't drive and she frequently complains of the music I put on the car stereo so I had kindly burned two CDs worth of songs by The Carpenters (which I know she likes) and things like The Beatles' Yesterday and Beautiful Maria by Los Lobos to play in the car from time to time. But two days ago, I took special delivery of double A-side single Lost In A Melody/Wanderlust by who else, but Delays , and The Mother freaked me out when she said, "I like this song. It's catchy." To hear what The Mother developed a liking to, click below. Lost In A Melody (Tom Middleton Cosmos Remix) by Delays. Rough Trade Records (2004) Oh and the other day, she asked, "Why don't you play that p

Music 1. The View From Here (album) – TEMPERED MENTAL . They sounded good, honestly they did, when I went to see them at Laundry at the launching of their debut album a few weeks ago. Good vocalist, banging bass – I shuffled my feet a little – and I bought their album. Hey, it was going cheap at RM20 and I figured they needed to earn a living somehow. But on repeated listens, I realised that I don’t really like music like this anymore. Go back circa 1999 and I would probably be headbanging to their songs, along with all the other nu-metal music that were making waves then, but currently, I’ve gotta say no. Oooh, Tempered Mental might object to me calling them nu-metal but that’s what it sounds like to me. Good effort, but not my cup of tea. You can check them out on MySpace . Stand out tracks: Recall 2. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (album) – CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH. See, you need a good name for your band to catch people’s attention and stick in their memories, instead of a meaningless

My neighbour scares me a little. I’ve been generally lucky with housemates but I’ve had my share of odd neighbours. There were those fellow university students who would regularly trash their flat and kick down doors during drinking binges. My flat’s front door somehow escaped destruction but doors left and to the right of mine would hang crazily on their hinges or disappear completely come Sunday morning. There was also the neighbour who jumped across from his window ledge onto mine (and we were three floors up) and banged on the window asking for marijuana at two o’clock in the morning. There was one that would turn up at our door asking for antiseptic cream. He looked like he had been in a fight and lost. On good days he would barely speak to us because as he later confessed, his girlfriend was a very jealous woman. When the girlfriend was away, he would try to hit on my friend, whose boyfriend lived in the same building as us. Then there was one who kept having fainting spells one

I was at the Maritime Institute in Jalan Yap Kwan Seng waiting for my dad to come out of a seminar becauseI needed the keys to take his car for repairs and servicing. So there I was twiddiling with my handbag in the corridor when the doors of the seminar room opened and a whole bunch of fit men in tight, white Royal Navy uniforms came out. Hubba-hubba! Unfortunately, my dad came out at the same time and started talking to me. All I could do was stand there with MY DAD while all these hunksome sailors passed me by. BAH! They're all probably too old for me anyway.

My dearest siblings, Greetings from your sister in the homeland of teh tarik and apolitical slackers. I hope you are all well in foreign lands. Thank you all for your e-mails expressing mirth at my having to face the Melaka Mob at a nuptial-filled weekend, while you all get off scot-free. (By the way, I hear summer in the British and Irish isles is pretty miserable right now, and I do believe it is bitterly cold in the Southern Hemisphere, is it not?) Truth be told, I rather enjoyed myself at the family gathering. Meeting the Melaka Mob doesn't seem to be as much of an ordeal as I remembered. I had two new baju kurung made, mainly because Mak U insisted on a theme of blue for An's wedding (and all relatives must comply) and because raya will be soon and I haven't had a new baju kurung in about five years. I must say I looked extremely adorable in my new outfits. I could almost pass for gadis Melayu ayu except for the fact that I hunch and stride like a man. Sadly nob

1) All the college kids look really young to you 2) Salespeople call you kak 3) Most of the songs on Mix FM you have in your record collection

It's not the end of the month yet but I can't resist plugging Delays , especially since they're due a new album out in September. Another reason why I like them: they don't wait forever between albums. Your adoring masses always want more! I can think of only three bands which have captured my imagination so much so that I have obsessively collected B-sides, live tracks, radio sessions and any limited releases that they have produced. I can safely say now that you can add Delays to that short list. Lately I've been listening to the B-side, Quiet , over on the flash version of Delays official website . Starts off err....quiet and lullaby-like before building up to a chorus of screaming voices which I think is saying, "Live like you die." I could be wrong of course, since I still sing the opening line to Journey's Wheel In the Sky as "Nemedebede." Also on continuous play is Girls On Fire , which because it is yet unreleased has so far only bee

I was breathing in the salty air of the South China Sea when I heard about the nail-filled would-be car bomb in London. I was on the road somewhere when I caught snippets of news about a flaming car driving into Glasgow airport. Three guesses as to whose bright idea those acts were. No? You don’t need three? It wasn’t until late last night that I managed to sit down and trawl through the net for news on the events in Britain. (Of course there’s hardly anything in the papers here, thank God for the internet). It makes me heartsick to read about stuff like this, especially when it’s done by Muslims who claim God told them to and it’s for the freedom of the Muslim people. The news reports are bad enough but when I get to reading blogs and the comments on it, then I start to get really despondent. You can’t blame them for feeling that way; it seems that all Muslims want to do nowadays is Kill The Infidel and contribute to the greenhouse gas effect by burning lots and lots of flags. I would

The parents and I were in Kuantan for two days. Dad had a meeting there but didn't want to fly because of all the heavy documents he had to carry. He wasn't keen to drive either so he roped me in to do the driving duties by bribing me with a stay at the Hyatt. Okay, so it's not like he had to twist my arm in the first place. Mum and Dad kept reminiscing of the time they holidayed together in Kuantan. Dad kept trying to find the resthouse they stayed at in Teluk Chempedak but all we found was the resthouse annexe. I think they were nostalgic for the days when they weren't yet saddled with five kids. While Dad was at his meeting, Mum and I decided to drive from Teluk Chempedak towards Terengganu, mainly to hunt for keropok lekor. I love keropok lekor but the fish that a lot of makers of keropok lekor use makes me itch like crazy, so getting the right keropok lekor is a bit of a hit and miss job. We got as far as Chukai before we turned back to pick Dad up from work. I got

Music Hey Girl - Delays Long Time Coming - Delays 1. Faded Seaside Glamour (album); Lost In A Melody (single) – DELAYS . It follows that after me going crazy for Delays’ sophomore effort, You See Colours , I’d be backtracking to their debut album to get more of the good stuff. If I had discovered Delays by their first album, I’d have gone, “Jeebus! What the hell happened to Delays?” when I put on their second album because the two albums sound like two completely different animals. Where You See Colours did nearly what it said on the tin with its synths, thumping bass and beats you can wig out to, Faded Seaside Glamour is a dreamy, airy, bittersweet collection that you’d put on while you lie on the grass and look at the sheep-shaped clouds in the sky. There are jangly guitars, soaring vocals and melodies so blissed out and mellow you could take them home to meet the parents. Nearer Than Heaven, Hey Girl and Long Time Coming are some tracks that jump out but on repeated listens I

My friends are surprised when I say that I hate going to the doctor’s. “But you’re a doctor yourself!” they exclaim. Yes, your point being? Face it, the only reason why you would go see a doctor or some other health care professional is because you are in some form of misery; whether it’s that stinging sensation every time you pee or that odd-looking mold growing on your toe – whatever it is, it’s not pleasant. Of course, if you are in the UK, some old folks treat a visit to their general practitioner as a nice day out. You can’t blame them really, because it’s just about their only social contact in the world but in Malaysia, decent health care is you can afford to pay. So unless you’re rolling around in agony, forget about the health check ups, pap smears, breast exams and so forth. Let’s just wait till you drop dead of a heart attack aged 42. I’m one to talk of course. In the UK, it is mandatory to be registered with a GP whose practice covers the area you live in but I moved all ov

Just as I was getting into the edge-of-the-seat splendour that is Battlestar Galactica, the writers and producers do something that got me mightily pissed off. I have just watched them kill off Billy, the president’s aide. Billy, Billy, Billy. Poor under-utilised, puppy-faced Billy. They could have made something of his character instead of always sticking him in the background with like, two lines per episode (if he was in the episode even). They could have cut down on the macho posturing of the steroid-pumped pilots and given Billy some scenes for God’s sake! Oh yeah, sure they gave him some scenes and some lines but right in the episode where he frakking dies. Why do I like Billy? I guess because I always have had a soft spot for the awkward, tragic-looking boy in the corner, the quiet one with a glint of steel in his eye who will let you showboat all you want but if you shove him he will shove right back. Billy was all those things; a young man surrounded by the military and the hi

Today, I let rip at a stranger and my mother went, “YEAH!! You tell him, Kere!” I was third in line at the traffic lights at that mass of intersections in front of Bank Negara, pointed towards Lake Gardens. A white, four wheel drive with a JKR emblem was at the front and when the lights turned green, the fricking idiot decided to do a U-turn there. Stupid bugger did not comprehend that you cannot do a U-turn there, mainly because TRAFFIC IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION WAS ALSO GREEN AND THERE WAS NO WAY HE COULD MOVE UNTIL THE LIGHTS TURNED RED AGAIN. Meanwhile, since everyone else behind him was stacked bumper to bumper, no one could manoeuvre sideways at all. I started honking at him, not little tiny honks but really long, ear-splitting horns with my hand jammed firmly against the steering wheel. Much to my delight, every one else started honking him as well. And did that stubborn bugger give up on his ill-conceived turn and moved straight ahead like everyone else before him? Like fuck

Battlestar Tic-tac-tickah? Battlestar Galactica. It's the name of a ship. And a TV show . What does it do? Oh, it does battles. It's a pretty big ship . Does it do anything else? Oh yes. It can jump faster than light. But no one ever shouts, "Warp speed!" It would be so much cooler than plain old FTL jump. Start at the beginning please. In a galaxy far, far away... Wrong universe, mate. Oh, but it is in a far away galaxy... Grrrr... Okay. In the far off future, mankind has dispersed among the stars. They settled in twelve different colonies and all roads to Earth have long been forgotten. That's better. Go on. In these distant lands, Man has built machines called Cylons... To do their dirty work, no doubt. Yes, but don't interrupt. Sorry. The Cylons soon evolved and seeked to overthrow its master. Unbenknowst to them, the Cylons have built machines that look just like humans . Yowza. Indeed. They made many copies of each human model and infiltrated them into t

There's an article in today's Star (Mum upset at award for death of son) regarding the death of Nui Jia Yuan in 2003, which concerns me because the level of aftercare provided by this particular doctor seemed wanting. I'd like to first make clear that my opinion is based solely on this particular article. I have no access to the medical or autopsy records or the original press report regarding this boy's death in 2003. If today's article was reported accurately, then there are a few things concerning this case that I felt the need to comment on. According to the facts of the case, Jia Yuan, who was four then, was taken to Klinik dan Surgeri Kuben on March 26, 2003 after the boy complained of pain during urination. Dr Kubendran examined the boy and asked Nui and Lim to bring him in again on March 28 for circumcision. The boy and his parents arrived at the clinic at about 1pm and Dr Kubendran administered injections to the boy’s arm, buttocks and private parts before

Nearer Than Heaven [acoustic] by Delays from the album Faded Seaside Glamour I said I didn’t miss England at all, but I think I do a little bit. I miss its sense of humour, the newspapers, the BBC and most of all, I miss the summers. What?!? But it’s ‘summer’ all year round in Malaysia. Yes, but it’s not the same summer. Visitors always make jokes about the miserableness of the weather, but I usually shrug and say that it’s not bad really. It was more of a survival mechanism perhaps, because if you live there 11 out of the 12 months of the year, moaning about the weather isn’t going to help you get through it. It was a case of putting your head down and getting on with it. Summer was always good, and the transition to summer was better. It was the way it slowly crept up on you until it tapped you on the shoulder like an unexpected friend; the days got longer, the temperature turned warmer, even the air smelled different. If the wind was right, I could smell the salt blowing in from the