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Wedding news

My dearest siblings,

Greetings from your sister in the homeland of teh tarik and apolitical slackers. I hope you are all well in foreign lands. Thank you all for your e-mails expressing mirth at my having to face the Melaka Mob at a nuptial-filled weekend, while you all get off scot-free. (By the way, I hear summer in the British and Irish isles is pretty miserable right now, and I do believe it is bitterly cold in the Southern Hemisphere, is it not?)

Truth be told, I rather enjoyed myself at the family gathering. Meeting the Melaka Mob doesn't seem to be as much of an ordeal as I remembered. I had two new baju kurung made, mainly because Mak U insisted on a theme of blue for An's wedding (and all relatives must comply) and because raya will be soon and I haven't had a new baju kurung in about five years. I must say I looked extremely adorable in my new outfits. I could almost pass for gadis Melayu ayu except for the fact that I hunch and stride like a man.

Sadly nobody cried, wailed, fell into the kawah or ran over the groom. Mak R was a bit confusing when she ignored me one minute, then was all affectionate and announced to the world that she will look after my future children in the next.

Of course, you can't have a gathering of the Melaka Mob without a relative opening their gob while having a brain bypass. This year the prize goes to Mak Ros for the most jaw-droppingly insensitive and inappropriate comment to ever pass human lips. You know Pak U's sister, Bar - the one whom everybody wanted Dad to marry instead of Mum - died recently. One of her daughters came to the wedding, and upon spotting her, Mak Ros said, "Hey, when's your Dad going to find somebody new?"

I was so flabbergasted (and I tell you, I've never used the word flabbergasted in my life) that I could only stand there gawping, not believing that I actually heard her right the first time. The poor girl's mother died of cancer not three months ago and you are asking her when her Dad is going to shack up with a new wife?!?!?! How bloody moronic can you be?

I don't know how Bar's daughter could keep her cool and plaster a smile on her face. If it was me, I'd have launched myself across the table and scratched my aunt's eyeballs out. And then stuffed the cencaluk down her throat. But that's just me.

Mak Ad's kids were being little monsters as usual by snatching the fruit off the groom's hantaran even before the wedding party had been escorted out to eat, and then nearly upsetting a basket of tapai I was carrying for the groom's family because I refused to give the little brat any. At first I thought the brat snatching the fruit belonged to the groom's side but I should have known that the uncouth, tak boleh bawak majlis types are usually related to me.

So that was it really. The bride and groom looked happy, the weather held out and the food was excellent. (I'm not a big pedas eater but man, do the Melakans know how to make a good sambal). We got to take home about a dozen telur pindang and all the diabetic coma-inducing desserts in the world. What more could you want from a wedding party?

Till next time, my lovely gene pool sharers
Kere XOXO

Comments

Anonymous said…
Tak kena bombard dgn the usual 'bile nak kawin' and 'meh makcik/pakcik tolong carikkan' questions ke? :p
Kere said…
Oh, ya there were, but that happens so often, I don't bother writing that down anymore. One lady hinted to introduce me to her son but I didn't understand what she was saying because her accent was so strong (she's from Masjid Tanah) so i kinda just smiled inanely.
Anonymous said…
you know, our cousins are gonna find their way to this blog one day, then the claws can come out.

GO KERE!!!!
Kere said…
Yeah, when they can read and actually pay attention for any period of time. In the meantime, they need a good smacking.

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