I think it's rather funny, and somewhat pathetic, that the two men I am currently fascinated with and attracted to are gay. Statistically, I am surrounded by a larger number of heterosexual than homosexual men, so I would think that even if I would be attracted to two men at the same time, at least one of them would be straight.
I have actually discovered Rufus Wainwright - flamboyant, pop-operatic troubadour with famous musician parents (whom I'd never heard of). Okay, so people had been going on about him for ages but I've read more about his genius and speculation whether his homosexuality has anything to do with enstrangement with his father than heard any of his musical output. So I finally got both my computer and my broadband connection working and was going crazy on the internet - checking e-mails daily, listening to music online, reading people's blogs (and hence, this blog.) I was listening to Antony & The Johnsons' I Am A Bird Now album when I discovered that the singer to one of my favourite songs on it was a certain Rufus Wainwright. Ah-ha! I thought, so this is him. There was a certain quality to his voice which struck a chord in me so I listened to his other songs and promptly fell in love with one particular song called The One You Love. I can't quite explain what it is about the song that is fantastic, because the opening chords are pretty ordinary, but I'm so addicted to it I can't stop.
Certainly his singing voice is a major attraction, although it is certainly not the most fantastic, most versatile one I've heard. But there is a certain richness to it, what in Malay we would call lunak, and a languid drawl that I like. I also like the fact that he sings in a lower register than most male singers nowadays, ie Chris Martin, Daniel Rice, Justin Timberlake etc. And really, that is what I want from a male singer - to sing like a man. I want that masculine rumble to give me goosebumps and make me swoon like a schoolgirl. It also helps that Rufus is not a bad-looking man himself and fits in perfectly with my penchant for lean, dark-haired men with brooding light-coloured eyes. Ooohh, just thinking about it gives me the shivers. Hang on a sec......
Anyway, speaking of lean, dark-haired men, there is also my other crush (God, surely women in their late 2os can't use the word crush anymore?) - a colleague of mine at work. Yes, he is physically closer to me than Rufus Wainwright but no more accessible. I think that one earring through his left ear lobe confirms that. He is not broody looking, but has these adorable lines around his eyes and lips when he smiles. Sigh, I've always liked guys with nice smiles. And he has a nice deep, drawling voice and is lovely and patient and has brown hair that curls ever so slightly. Aaaaarrgghh, I'm pathetic.....somebody shoot me.
I guess I'd get this out of my system eventually. I usually do. Still, it would have been nice not to have gotten it into my system in the first place. My friend, the budding psychiatrist, thinks this sort of attraction to unattainable men masks an underlying fear of intimacy, hence if you can never get the man, you would never need to form any sort of close relationship with them. Well, that's not, uh, I don't..but, yeah....oh, fuck I don't know. Can't it just be that these two good-looking, beautiful-sounding men just so happen to be gay?
And why the heck does there seem to be more gay men now? If it's due to the fact to increasing tolerance in society, then where are all the lesbians hiding?
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But you know, it ain't over until he says he enjoys Kylie.....'s music.