Battlestar Tic-tac-tickah?
Battlestar Galactica. It's the name of a ship. And a TV show.
What does it do?
Oh, it does battles. It's a pretty big ship.
Does it do anything else?
Oh yes. It can jump faster than light. But no one ever shouts, "Warp speed!" It would be so much cooler than plain old FTL jump.
Start at the beginning please.
In a galaxy far, far away...
Wrong universe, mate.
Oh, but it is in a far away galaxy...
Grrrr...
Okay. In the far off future, mankind has dispersed among the stars. They settled in twelve different colonies and all roads to Earth have long been forgotten.
That's better. Go on.
In these distant lands, Man has built machines called Cylons...
To do their dirty work, no doubt.
Yes, but don't interrupt.
Sorry.
The Cylons soon evolved and seeked to overthrow its master. Unbenknowst to them, the Cylons have built machines that look just like humans.
Yowza.
Indeed. They made many copies of each human model and infiltrated them into the human population. Some are unaware that they are Cylons and remain sleeper agents until they are triggered.
Sounds like a good plan. Does it work?
Well, like any scheme to overcome a strong power, you need to have an insider who will betray his own kind.
Oooooh, so who's the lucky fella?
Enter Dr. Gaius Baltar, eminent scientist at the Ministry of Defence, who also happens to have the codes to the entire defence mainframe.
He doesn't just roll over and gives it up, does he?
Uh, he kinda does. Mind you, he gives it to a half-naked, extremely leggy blonde who looks like she could take his head off after carnal relations.
Blimey.
Moving on. So the Cylons nuke all the colonies but history tells us that these humans are persistent little cockroaches that refuse to.....
What, you're a Cylon now?
Uh, no. Err, humans struggle against adversity etc etc and some managed to escape to space.
Some?
48, 000, give or take.
Daaayyymmm. That's not a lot compared to the six billion plus we have on Earth right now.
Indeed. And now the humans are on the run because the Cylons are not just content with taking over the colonies, they want to exterminate all mankind.
Exterminate! Exterminate!
Shut it. There are no Daleks here. Now who's the one getting his sci-fi universes mixed up?
*sheepish* So what's happening now?
Well it's kinda hard to say because I'm watching both Season 1 and 2 on TV right now while Season 3 is airing in the States.
What? How did that happen?
Well, firstly I didn't have satellite when they were showing it on Sky. Then I moved back here and it wasn't showing at all. I got bored so I downloaded episode 1 of the first season. It was frigging good but it took forever to download so I gave up after that.
The writer would like to inform readers that illegal downloading is uh...illegal.
Then 8TV started to show BSG on Sunday afternoons but the episodes that followed were rather boring. Especially when Starbuck is giving attitude for no reason whatsoever. She can be such a pain in the ass. And that Apollo is such a spineless whiner.
Hang on, Starbuck is a woman? Apollo is spineless? The TV execs have shat upon my childhood memories of the old BSG!
Oh shut it. The only thing you remember of the old Battlestar Galactica is that one was a blond and the other had dark hair.
Ooooh and we named two of our cats Apollo and Starbuck.
Yes, they're both dead now.
May they rest in peace. So, which station is airing Season 2 then?
Cinemax.
But it usually screens films.
Yeah, I know, crazy huh? And you know what's even crazier? They've been showing two episodes back-to-back every afternoon this month.
Noooooo!! Why?
I have no frigging clue. What a way to treat a really good TV show. I've missed several episodes already. I am highly annoyed.
You should be. What have been the highlights for you so far?
Well, I know Gaius Baltar is supposed to be an evil bastard but so far I like him best. I'm not sure if he's crazy or if he really does have a Cylon chip implanted inside his brain but the moments when he argues with Cylon Number Six who nobody else can see but him, it's always funny. One time, he was humping the Cylon against a lab bench and Starbuck walks it on him - oh my gawd, I nearly burst my gut laughing. Baltar caught with his pants down humping thin air and the look of total disgust on Starbuck's face. Priceless!
Cool! You mean there's some skin on a sci-fi show like this?
Yeah, but keep your pants on. Everything gets censored here so you won't see much. Plus, there isn't anybody here that you would be dying to see with their shirt off.
Not even Captain Apollo as played by Jamie Bamber?
Well, he's alright. He's got a buff body but he's not my type.
Huh, I thought your type was any guy whatsoever.
Shut up.
Okay. Any other talent?
I guess that would be Felix Gaeta played by Alessandro Juliani- he's okay. If you like older men, there's Edward James Olmos who plays Commander Adama. He's ugly as sin though. For the adolescents, there's the president's fresh-faced aide, Billy Keikeya, played by Paul Campbell who looks like he just left zits and high school behind.
What about the ladies?
There's Mary McDonnell who plays the ailing President of the Colonies - she always looks constipated. It doesn't seem to be an effect of old age because she looked like this when she was in Dances With Wolves many years ago. Then there's Katee Sackhoff (Starbuck) who I am actually beginning to warm to in the second season. Not as annoying as before. There's also Lt. Sharon Valerii - she has a bit more fun. She's a secret Cylon and the two different copies of her bonks two different guys. One copy gets killed and the other gets preggers by a human colleague.
Holy Lords of Kobol! How did that happen? She's a machine!!
Beats me. I'm still in the middle of Season 2. You interested?
By golly, yes! Murder, intrigue, sexy robots....... bring it on!
Battlestar Galactica. It's the name of a ship. And a TV show.
What does it do?
Oh, it does battles. It's a pretty big ship.
Does it do anything else?
Oh yes. It can jump faster than light. But no one ever shouts, "Warp speed!" It would be so much cooler than plain old FTL jump.
Start at the beginning please.
In a galaxy far, far away...
Wrong universe, mate.
Oh, but it is in a far away galaxy...
Grrrr...
Okay. In the far off future, mankind has dispersed among the stars. They settled in twelve different colonies and all roads to Earth have long been forgotten.
That's better. Go on.
In these distant lands, Man has built machines called Cylons...
To do their dirty work, no doubt.
Yes, but don't interrupt.
Sorry.
The Cylons soon evolved and seeked to overthrow its master. Unbenknowst to them, the Cylons have built machines that look just like humans.
Yowza.
Indeed. They made many copies of each human model and infiltrated them into the human population. Some are unaware that they are Cylons and remain sleeper agents until they are triggered.
Sounds like a good plan. Does it work?
Well, like any scheme to overcome a strong power, you need to have an insider who will betray his own kind.
Oooooh, so who's the lucky fella?
Enter Dr. Gaius Baltar, eminent scientist at the Ministry of Defence, who also happens to have the codes to the entire defence mainframe.
He doesn't just roll over and gives it up, does he?
Uh, he kinda does. Mind you, he gives it to a half-naked, extremely leggy blonde who looks like she could take his head off after carnal relations.
Blimey.
Moving on. So the Cylons nuke all the colonies but history tells us that these humans are persistent little cockroaches that refuse to.....
What, you're a Cylon now?
Uh, no. Err, humans struggle against adversity etc etc and some managed to escape to space.
Some?
48, 000, give or take.
Daaayyymmm. That's not a lot compared to the six billion plus we have on Earth right now.
Indeed. And now the humans are on the run because the Cylons are not just content with taking over the colonies, they want to exterminate all mankind.
Exterminate! Exterminate!
Shut it. There are no Daleks here. Now who's the one getting his sci-fi universes mixed up?
*sheepish* So what's happening now?
Well it's kinda hard to say because I'm watching both Season 1 and 2 on TV right now while Season 3 is airing in the States.
What? How did that happen?
Well, firstly I didn't have satellite when they were showing it on Sky. Then I moved back here and it wasn't showing at all. I got bored so I downloaded episode 1 of the first season. It was frigging good but it took forever to download so I gave up after that.
The writer would like to inform readers that illegal downloading is uh...illegal.
Then 8TV started to show BSG on Sunday afternoons but the episodes that followed were rather boring. Especially when Starbuck is giving attitude for no reason whatsoever. She can be such a pain in the ass. And that Apollo is such a spineless whiner.
Hang on, Starbuck is a woman? Apollo is spineless? The TV execs have shat upon my childhood memories of the old BSG!
Oh shut it. The only thing you remember of the old Battlestar Galactica is that one was a blond and the other had dark hair.
Ooooh and we named two of our cats Apollo and Starbuck.
Yes, they're both dead now.
May they rest in peace. So, which station is airing Season 2 then?
Cinemax.
But it usually screens films.
Yeah, I know, crazy huh? And you know what's even crazier? They've been showing two episodes back-to-back every afternoon this month.
Noooooo!! Why?
I have no frigging clue. What a way to treat a really good TV show. I've missed several episodes already. I am highly annoyed.
You should be. What have been the highlights for you so far?
Well, I know Gaius Baltar is supposed to be an evil bastard but so far I like him best. I'm not sure if he's crazy or if he really does have a Cylon chip implanted inside his brain but the moments when he argues with Cylon Number Six who nobody else can see but him, it's always funny. One time, he was humping the Cylon against a lab bench and Starbuck walks it on him - oh my gawd, I nearly burst my gut laughing. Baltar caught with his pants down humping thin air and the look of total disgust on Starbuck's face. Priceless!
Cool! You mean there's some skin on a sci-fi show like this?
Yeah, but keep your pants on. Everything gets censored here so you won't see much. Plus, there isn't anybody here that you would be dying to see with their shirt off.
Not even Captain Apollo as played by Jamie Bamber?
Well, he's alright. He's got a buff body but he's not my type.
Huh, I thought your type was any guy whatsoever.
Shut up.
Okay. Any other talent?
I guess that would be Felix Gaeta played by Alessandro Juliani- he's okay. If you like older men, there's Edward James Olmos who plays Commander Adama. He's ugly as sin though. For the adolescents, there's the president's fresh-faced aide, Billy Keikeya, played by Paul Campbell who looks like he just left zits and high school behind.
What about the ladies?
There's Mary McDonnell who plays the ailing President of the Colonies - she always looks constipated. It doesn't seem to be an effect of old age because she looked like this when she was in Dances With Wolves many years ago. Then there's Katee Sackhoff (Starbuck) who I am actually beginning to warm to in the second season. Not as annoying as before. There's also Lt. Sharon Valerii - she has a bit more fun. She's a secret Cylon and the two different copies of her bonks two different guys. One copy gets killed and the other gets preggers by a human colleague.
Holy Lords of Kobol! How did that happen? She's a machine!!
Beats me. I'm still in the middle of Season 2. You interested?
By golly, yes! Murder, intrigue, sexy robots....... bring it on!
Comments
Don't tell me that any one of them are from the main cast.... ooooh let me guess, no, no, I don't want to, oh don't tell me!!!!