Skip to main content

Are you in the mood?

The setting: Busy day in the Infertility clinic

The characters: One clueless doctor, one nearly thirty nulliparous lady

Doctor: So, Mrs. X.... (rustles some paperwork). The treatment we have been giving you has worked, your hormone levels are now normal. (beams proudly at patient). It's now up to you and your husband to get pregnant.

Mrs X: Oh....

Doctor: Yes. Uh, how often do you and husband have sexual intercourse?

Mrs. X: About 10 times a month.

Doctor: That's about 2 - 3 times a week. Not too bad. Just keep on doing, what you are doing then.

Mrs. X: But doctor, I have no desire anymore! What do I do?

Doctor: (Although has always considered herself fairly open about sexual matters and can make sex jokes in front of her parents, suddenly finds herself flustered.) Well, uh, you do what you normally do... what you did when you first got married...uh, we don't have any female Viagra.

At that moment of time, Doctor could not think of any decent ways to suggest to patient on how to get herself off, what with Doctor herself hardly being an expert in the uh, practical department. A doctor does not need to have cancer in order to advise paients on the treatment of cancer, but you do understand, of course, that some things require some personal experience in order to talk about it without sounding like an idiot.
-----------------------------------------------
Setting: Labour room

Characters: One male doctor, one woman in labour

The scene: Tiny woman, with cardiotocography monitors strapped to her very pregnant belly, writhes about on the bed with the pain of each wave of contraction, kicking one of the nurses in the belly in the process.

Male doctor goes to see patient to gain consent for a Caesarean section. As doctor leaves patient' bedside, Woman in Labour says in high-pitched voice, "Ooh, that doctor's very handsome."

Now if only Woman in Labour would meet Mrs. X.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Is there a malay version of anne summers website?

Popular posts from this blog

The goat

So, there we were - three women in their late twenties, lounging on a faux-leather sofa having a nice post-prandial banter with a bunch of friends. Usually it would be just the three of us - me, Si and Em - talking about life, work and relationships - having that Bridget Jones moment which we thought would never come to us, because 'oh no, we're so above that!' But tonight was a farewell party for a friend who was off to Australia for a newer, better job in a newer, better place than sorry-ass England, and the talk frequently turned to career paths, professional exams, work-life balance etc. Cat was talking about a friend who works in computers who did not go to university because she thought it was a waste of time. Instead she plunged straight into work and gained experience and skills on the job. She is only a year older than me but she has been so successful that she has two homes in London and one in San Francisco where she now works from home and makes shedloads of mon...

December's list

MUSIC Thanks to Maryam for the delights of this month's music. Be patient, Maryam, the world will one day see our special dance. 1) Presidente - KINKY . Singing in Spanish somehow makes everything sound sexier, even if he is singing about politics. Despite the oblique accusations of corruption against the Mexican president, this song is dance-floor hot and guaranteed to shake your booty. (I only use the word 'booty' online because in real life I would never get away with it.) 2) Let's Make Love And Death From Above - CSS . Bizarre title but the song works. Perfect for when returning to the home planet. 3) Ladylike - STORM LARGE & THE BALLS . They've got a name that is just dying for you to make dirty jokes about, but subject matter is serious to all girls who get the mickey taken out of them for not being 'ladylike.' Incidentally, Storm Large was one of the contestants on Rockstar: Supernova. MOVIES Surprisingly, I haven't watched many movies this mo...

August 2007's list

Books 1. Cloud Atlas – DAVID MITCHELL . I must have bought this book somewhere in 2005 in Waterstones’ and left it to collect dust since. It still has it yellow ‘Buy 3 for 2’ sticker on the front cover; an impulse buy, a book I bought to make myself feel better. I finally picked it up two weeks ago and haven’t been able to put it down since. The book opens with the diary of one Adam Ewing, an American making a hazardous journey across the Pacific in the nineteenth century. Things get a bit hairy for the God-fearing Ewing as he crosses paths with criminals, cut-throats, warring Maoris and an alleged brain-eating parasite. Ewing’s diary ends abruptly on page just as I was wondering if he would survive with brain intact and we skip next to a one-sided correspondence from an impoverished, bisexual rake to his ex-lover while attempting to compose his musical masterpiece in 1930s Europe. Again, his breathless biting story stops short and we move on to three more subsequent characters, each m...