I haven't posted ANYTHING in a while. Well, that's what happens when Facebook gives you the opportunity to bleat whatever shit you have in your head without the need to form proper sentences.
Also, I haven't really had the inclination to write anything. There's a scale to these things. Sometimes frustration and anger inspires you to write and write. But there comes a point where your frustration wearies you to the point of numbness - where writing does nothing but dig up all your problems for you to sniff over. So, I shut up. Because to write about it became like complaining and I wasn't getting anywhere with it. Also before that I dropped into a misery-hole of the mind where no creativity came forth and any energy I had was put into getting up every day, putting a smile on my face and going to work and doing what one has to do every day to be human. I also decide one day to not be so introspective about everything. I tend to direct energy inward (o gawd, I sound so like I've been to American therapy - but that comes from watching too many American TV shows), but for many months I've been trying to do something different - like going to the gym. Instead of going around and round in my thoughts, I thought it would be better to go round and round on the treadmill instead - focus that negative energy outward etc etc. Which gave some very good results by the way. I was getting overweight and depressed, and going to the gym was my social life for a while. It got me going someplace else besides just traveling back and forth between work and the house. And once you get in the habit of exercise, you remember that adrenaline rush, and how good it feels, to be a healthy animal ready to take on the world.
I wouldn't say I'm completely cured. My episodes of darkness and light come in cycles but I like to think I learn a little something in every period of darkness, and each subsequent period is never as dark as the one before.
Also, I haven't really had the inclination to write anything. There's a scale to these things. Sometimes frustration and anger inspires you to write and write. But there comes a point where your frustration wearies you to the point of numbness - where writing does nothing but dig up all your problems for you to sniff over. So, I shut up. Because to write about it became like complaining and I wasn't getting anywhere with it. Also before that I dropped into a misery-hole of the mind where no creativity came forth and any energy I had was put into getting up every day, putting a smile on my face and going to work and doing what one has to do every day to be human. I also decide one day to not be so introspective about everything. I tend to direct energy inward (o gawd, I sound so like I've been to American therapy - but that comes from watching too many American TV shows), but for many months I've been trying to do something different - like going to the gym. Instead of going around and round in my thoughts, I thought it would be better to go round and round on the treadmill instead - focus that negative energy outward etc etc. Which gave some very good results by the way. I was getting overweight and depressed, and going to the gym was my social life for a while. It got me going someplace else besides just traveling back and forth between work and the house. And once you get in the habit of exercise, you remember that adrenaline rush, and how good it feels, to be a healthy animal ready to take on the world.
I wouldn't say I'm completely cured. My episodes of darkness and light come in cycles but I like to think I learn a little something in every period of darkness, and each subsequent period is never as dark as the one before.
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