I've been having a disturbing number of flashbacks lately.
I'd eat in a restaurant and think of the time I ate there with my Dad.
I'd hold another woman's baby in my arms and think of the time when I held my own niece and she'd hug me back.
I'd listen to Rufus Wainwright and my heart would clench with nervousness as I'm reminded of the long car drives to work in the Emergency Department.
I'd drift off to sleep only to wake up with the remnants of a nightmare where I'm endlessly sewing a patient's uterus.
I went into work one morning and heard about my colleagues bad on-call. Instead of feeling sorry for him, I was frightened and nervous the entire 24 hours that I was on-call. I had a horrible feeling that there would be more deaths and the dying seeping onto my day from yesterday. I barely slept that night, even though nothing more than a ruptured ectopic pregnancy happened.
Some days you wake up and you have an awful feeling that something bad is going to happen. Some days you go to work and wait for the day to end so you can go home and bury your head back in bed.
Some days you snap at patients and their ridiculous refusal to give you a straight answer. Why come to a doctor if you won't let them help you?
Some days you snap at your colleague for being so bloody annoying and infantile.
Then there are days when you are just wistful for something you can't grasp at. You are not unhappy with the people around you, yet you wish for your loved ones to be closer.
Maybe because you are older and you no longer have the young's sense of immortality. Maybe because you are in a new town and all you long for is for something more familiar.
I'd eat in a restaurant and think of the time I ate there with my Dad.
I'd hold another woman's baby in my arms and think of the time when I held my own niece and she'd hug me back.
I'd listen to Rufus Wainwright and my heart would clench with nervousness as I'm reminded of the long car drives to work in the Emergency Department.
I'd drift off to sleep only to wake up with the remnants of a nightmare where I'm endlessly sewing a patient's uterus.
I went into work one morning and heard about my colleagues bad on-call. Instead of feeling sorry for him, I was frightened and nervous the entire 24 hours that I was on-call. I had a horrible feeling that there would be more deaths and the dying seeping onto my day from yesterday. I barely slept that night, even though nothing more than a ruptured ectopic pregnancy happened.
Some days you wake up and you have an awful feeling that something bad is going to happen. Some days you go to work and wait for the day to end so you can go home and bury your head back in bed.
Some days you snap at patients and their ridiculous refusal to give you a straight answer. Why come to a doctor if you won't let them help you?
Some days you snap at your colleague for being so bloody annoying and infantile.
Then there are days when you are just wistful for something you can't grasp at. You are not unhappy with the people around you, yet you wish for your loved ones to be closer.
Maybe because you are older and you no longer have the young's sense of immortality. Maybe because you are in a new town and all you long for is for something more familiar.
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