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Bapak borek, anak rintik

Dad has finished that Playboy article he had been writing and has e-mailed it to his children for comment. When he says 'comment' he actually means 'praise' because it doesn't matter what you say, my dad never listens to advice. All the changes I recommended he make, he basically ignored, except for one sentence. One. Sure, he put in my recommendations while I was standing over his shoulder but he's erased nearly all of it. When I was correcting his essay, I pointed out several areas where he should break down his points into shorter sentences and use simpler and fewer words.

Dad grumbled and said that he can't do that, and that I don't understand that this is a technical essay and I don't understand technical stuff. Fine, I don't understand anything about fossil fuels and pollution indices but it does not matter because it is the grammar and clarity of your article that I am trying to mend.

"Look," I say, "you are not writing for your science boffins. You are writing for the lay person. Yes, your opening line is catchy and will reel your audience in but you will lose them by the end of the first paragraph. You are not getting your point across by being long-winded."

Dad mumbled something but it looked like he understood what I was telling him. Until I got the e-mail attachement and he so obviously has not.
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Comments

Anonymous said…
Some people would rather than listen to people other than those that care about them.
03 May, 2007 01:10
Kere said…
Do I detect a hint of bitterness?
03 May, 2007 03:07
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